As the season is shifting from summer to autumn, I’m most sensitive to the changes that are occurring. The leaves of certain species of trees are already turning shades of red and yellow. And the lovely oak tree that we practice Qigong under is already dropping her leaves. Our picnic table is covered with hickory nuts that have fallen from the grand tree that serves as its canopy. The birds are much quieter these days; their busy days of courting over. The grass is dew-covered for most of the morning after the cool nights, some of which have required two quilts already! The sunrises are coming later and sunsets earlier.
I appreciate these changes for what they are and what they will bring as autumn quickly approaches, but there is still a part of me that clings to green leaves and noisy birds. And I admit there is still a little part that gets apprehensive about all this change. It is the same part of me, that gets a funny feeling in the pit of my belly when I hold a shirt that Jude wore last year and no longer fits him. And it is the part, that remembers holding another boy and wishing that I could still be there in that frozen moment…a moment that I told myself never to forget because I felt so much peace and love.
But I’m reminded to be like the beautiful reeds of grass that are blooming right now in my garden as they bend and sway with the wind. I will feel the change, move with it and breathe with it. Moment by moment, breath by breath, I will be able to bend and sway and flow with the change.
I will look forward to hearing the geese honking on the creek, and seeing the squirrels and birds more easily in the bare limbed trees. I will marvel at all the things Jude discovers as he is undeniably growing up in so many ways.
I will acknowledge all my past experiences, ones of happiness, ones of sorrow, ones full of love, and even the ones filled with anger and resentment for what they are and allow each to become a vehicle for finding gratitude for what I am experiencing in this moment.
I would love to hear what things you have noticed changing as we transition into autumn.
Oh, Elizabeth...reading more about Bennett brings tears to my eyes, and makes me wish we lived closer so I could give you an enormous hug! You are so very brave, and the way that you've let your past experiences shape the mother that you are today is just beautiful.ReplyDelete
I'm sorry, you asked a question, didn't you? Well, fall is full of changes for us with 3 birthdays, and late harvests. I'm noticing the chill in the evening air that makes me long for a wool sweater and a cup of tea. The sounds of leaves crunching underfoot, picking apples, baking bread, making beef stew, watching the last of the Monarch butterflies leave for their long journey...it's all just so very beautiful. Thank you for always reminding me to stop, take a deep breath, and take it all in!
Wishing you peace!