Wednesday, May 18, 2011

to honor a life...

it seems impossible to 
honor this sweet angel boy's life
yet we try the best we can

this morning jude and I were snuggling
in the top bunk of his bunkbeds
when he came up with the idea
on his own to make
baby bennett something...
let's go gather flowers, mama
how will he get them?
when he sees them he will feel our love
and that's all he will need to take along, sweetie
we had conversations earlier this week
about why bennett chose to be an angel
instead of growing up to be a big boy
my reply...he had a different plan
a couple of days later....
mama, do i have a different plan than bennett did?
oh,'ve come to grow up to be a big boy
 and teach me a lot of things

this afternoon
i sought out nature
as a balm for my soul
the trees weeped for me
after all these years...
it was nice to have some help
despite better judgement
I chose a long hike through a hollow
with 7 creek crossings
which really was kind of a crazy idea
given the soaking spring we've had
it wasn't until it was pouring down rain
and I was on the six crossing
that I reflected on my post
at threading light this week

these friends scattered the trail
i had to be mindful not to step on them
they were so plentiful
some only 1.5" long
every step or so reminding
me there is no such thing as loss
being a powerful symbol of rebirth
encouraging me to adapt
in these challenging times
that have seemed so relentless
of late

a question has been mulling
around the last few days
can one "find" happiness
is it something to discover
what i keep hearing from
my angels
and even the forest fairies
is that happiness
is a choice
a committment
and i made that choice today
i smiled
but i couldn't keep my eyes open
at the same time


happy birthday littlest angel,
my sweet beloved bennett


  1. you honored him very sweetly. my eyes are filled with tears. both your boys are beautiful ♥

  2. how lovely. bennett sees, and knows. jude sees, and knows. you were such a wonderful mother to bennett and now a wonder-ful mother to jude. my love to you.

  3. So very beautiful! You are one amazing mama and woman. These choices seem so obvious at times, yet take so much more deep work than we are aware of. I am glad you found peace in nature on your walk. Jude is so lucky to be your earth angel.

    Love, Lisa

  4. Happy Birthday, Bennett. I like your explanation to Jude....just a different plan. I believe families are forever in God's plan. Jude teaches you as a boy who will grow up...Bennett teaches you as one who was not bound for this earth, but who waits for you all in Eternity! Love you, Elizabeth!

  5. Tears come to my eyes....Jude is so thoughtful or should I say heart-ful.
    I love what Jocelyn says, I have to agree!
    As we encounter both loveliness and pain in life, it is all but a breath.

  6. That just makes my heart ache. Ever since I became a mother, I can so easily feel another mother's pain or loss. I can't know the sorrow you feel for your beautiful boy but I can feel it. I am so glad that Bennett graced your life, if only for a little while. You honoured him beautifully.

  7. Oh boy, I am coming onto this post late, but still my eyes are full of tears. This is an unimaginable loss. A mother's worst fear, right? I love how you choose to honor Bennett and peace and hope.


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