to honor a life...

it seems impossible to 

honor this sweet angel boy's life

adequately 

enough...

yet we try the best we can

this morning jude and I were snuggling

in the top bunk of his bunkbeds

when he came up with the idea

on his own to make

baby bennett something...

let's go gather flowers, mama

how will he get them?

when he sees them he will feel our love

and that's all he will need to take along, sweetie

we had conversations earlier this week

about why bennett chose to be an angel

instead of growing up to be a big boy

my reply...he had a different plan

a couple of days later....

mama, do i have a different plan than bennett did?

oh, yes...you've come to grow up to be a big boy

 and teach me a lot of things

this afternoon

i sought out nature

as a balm for my soul

the trees weeped for me

after all these years...

it was nice to have some help

despite better judgement

I chose a long hike through a hollow

with 7 creek crossings

which really was kind of a crazy idea

given the soaking spring we've had

it wasn't until it was pouring down rain

and I was on the six crossing

that I reflected on my post

at threading light this week

ha!

these friends scattered the trail

i had to be mindful not to step on them

they were so plentiful

some only 1.5" long

every step or so reminding

me there is no such thing as loss

being a powerful symbol of rebirth

encouraging me to adapt

in these challenging times

that have seemed so relentless

of late

a question has been mulling

around the last few days

can one "find" happiness

is it something to discover

what i keep hearing from

my angels

and even the forest fairies

is that happiness

is a choice

a committment

and i made that choice today

i smiled

but i couldn't keep my eyes open

at the same time

:::

happy birthday littlest angel,

my sweet beloved bennett

spring in our steps

wet.

is the best way to

describe the spring we

have been experiencing here

so when the rain

finally stopped

we ventured out

not surprisingly

nature has not been deterred

by the weather

our destination

the bouncy bridge

i'm first he

announces as

he proceeds to

skip across

fearlessly

and mama goes

a little

bit

slower

140lbs bounces more than 40lbs

there is definitely

a need to

surrender

whether it is me

or he

that is crossing

when we were walking

back

jude complained

it was too far

I said well, if you don't complain

the time will go quicker

he said,

do the angels come and

shorten the trail

if you don't complain

hmmmm....

something like that I suppose

the little things

so grateful...

for the little things

and the little ones

that keep me balanced, grounded, and inspired

on this sacred path of life

:::

I am the guest blogger at Grace's My Year in Haiku today.  Funny that earlier this week at threading light, I had something to say about the soul nourishment that nature provides us and I'm finding myself deficient this week.  I think for the rest of this month I'll be popping in this space rather sporadically as I address this issue with more deligence.

blessings~

elizabeth

late spring walk in the woods

we took a walk on an old railroad bed (with shoes)

investigating the small treasures that we found along the way 

we thought about who might have used this small stone structure 

and admired the way it was built

we wondered who might live in this hole at the base of a small birch tree

it would certainly make a nice home for a forest fairy with a small rhododendron planted next to it

even though this cone from a jack pine was really prickly

 it was a treasure that had to make the rest of the journey with us 

so it could be placed among other treasures in a special collection at home

if you look closely (in the center) you will find another forest friend

 that did not want to stick around to get a picture 

there were many creatures who splashed quickly into the pond when we approached them, 

but we enjoyed watching the dragonflies dance all around the pond 

and these two posed beautifully for a picture 

we admired the last of mountain laurels and went home refreshed from our time in the woods

:::

Since Jude no longer takes a nap (sigh), I have found taking a walk in the woods or spending some quiet time outside to be a good substitution.  Taking a break from work in the garden, in the kitchen, on the computer or playing with toys, to reconnect with the natural world resets our energies much like a nap does.  Although this mama, always tries to sneak a few moments in the hammock or on the porch swing if I get a chance.

Enjoy your weekend!