the rainbow baby, a new version

About two months ago on a whim, Jude and I decided we should head out to the woods one unseasonably warm Sunday.  We picked a state park about 45 minutes from our apartment and a trail that looked challenging but doable with a promised overlook and rock garden at the summit.  The trail was magical as we walked up through many distinct habitats.  This hike was by far the most challenging Jude had ever experienced, and he didn't complain at all until we approached the steepest section right before the summit.

When we got to the overlook, I looked out over a vast uninterrupted sea of trees.  I'd been here before without realizing that this trail would take us here on this day.  Instantaneously I was sloshed with waves of emotion....sadness...joy...immense gratitude.  The last time I had been to this spot was six months after my first son, Bennett died on what would have been his second birthday.  I am pretty sure that I didn't hike that day but rather drove to the same overlook.

I shouted from that spot... out loud or in my heart?  My memory fails to remember because at that time my emotions were often so raw that I couldn't tell the difference.   "I love you Bennett."

On the drive home, I first considered whether or not I would ever be able to bring another child into this world.  I looked out the window and saw a giant rainbow arched across the sky.  I knew without a bit of doubt that God's answer was "you shall have another child."

So here I was at this same spot.  The promise of God fully manifested before my eyes.  All the many prayers answered in a single child.  A child who has helped me learn how to experience joy again.  A child who loves to smile and joke around.  A child who likes to get his way but who also enjoys the company of whomever he is with.  He is the greatest blessing I have ever received.

He was born on good Friday on the 13th of April.  God revealed to me he would be a boy.  And we promised to name him Jude after the saint to whom I prayed for the entire year that Bennett was treated for a brain tumor.  And yeah, the Beatles song works too..."take a sad song and make it better."

On the day he was born, God told me there would be a rainbow just to let me know that my prayers were answered and that the promise had been fulfilled.  All day I looked for that rainbow.  There were spring showers and a magnolia tree was blooming.  Gentle breezes wafted through the open windows of our home.

At 6:00pm Jude passed through the same portal that his brother had passed 2 1/2 years earlier, and he took his first breath in the same spot that Bennett took his last.  A friend stopped on her way to Good Friday service to take a photo of the double rainbow that was so beautiful it made the evening news.

He is my miracle.  He tells me that "God slide me down a rainbow into your arms."  And I believe him.

Happy Birthday Rainbow Baby!!!  I LOVE YOU!!!

to honor a life...

it seems impossible to 

honor this sweet angel boy's life

adequately 

enough...

yet we try the best we can

this morning jude and I were snuggling

in the top bunk of his bunkbeds

when he came up with the idea

on his own to make

baby bennett something...

let's go gather flowers, mama

how will he get them?

when he sees them he will feel our love

and that's all he will need to take along, sweetie

we had conversations earlier this week

about why bennett chose to be an angel

instead of growing up to be a big boy

my reply...he had a different plan

a couple of days later....

mama, do i have a different plan than bennett did?

oh, yes...you've come to grow up to be a big boy

 and teach me a lot of things

this afternoon

i sought out nature

as a balm for my soul

the trees weeped for me

after all these years...

it was nice to have some help

despite better judgement

I chose a long hike through a hollow

with 7 creek crossings

which really was kind of a crazy idea

given the soaking spring we've had

it wasn't until it was pouring down rain

and I was on the six crossing

that I reflected on my post

at threading light this week

ha!

these friends scattered the trail

i had to be mindful not to step on them

they were so plentiful

some only 1.5" long

every step or so reminding

me there is no such thing as loss

being a powerful symbol of rebirth

encouraging me to adapt

in these challenging times

that have seemed so relentless

of late

a question has been mulling

around the last few days

can one "find" happiness

is it something to discover

what i keep hearing from

my angels

and even the forest fairies

is that happiness

is a choice

a committment

and i made that choice today

i smiled

but i couldn't keep my eyes open

at the same time

:::

happy birthday littlest angel,

my sweet beloved bennett

{this moment}

{this moment}

one image

 no words

a moment to savor

inspired by Amanda Soule and many others

{this moment}

{this moment}

one image

 no words

a moment to savor

inspired by Amanda Soule and many others

spring in our steps

wet.

is the best way to

describe the spring we

have been experiencing here

so when the rain

finally stopped

we ventured out

not surprisingly

nature has not been deterred

by the weather

our destination

the bouncy bridge

i'm first he

announces as

he proceeds to

skip across

fearlessly

and mama goes

a little

bit

slower

140lbs bounces more than 40lbs

there is definitely

a need to

surrender

whether it is me

or he

that is crossing

when we were walking

back

jude complained

it was too far

I said well, if you don't complain

the time will go quicker

he said,

do the angels come and

shorten the trail

if you don't complain

hmmmm....

something like that I suppose

we're back

so many different paths

were travelled on this leg

 of the 13 moon walk 4 peace

much of our time was spent

navigating

vortexes of one kind or another

and without even being aware

of what was happening 

climbing to new states

of consciousness

what is it about

climbing anyhow?

this boy feel in love with

climbing trees

this one in particular

tears were shed when

we had to say goodbye

to this tree friend

and we admired lots of trees

we had never seen before

the mountains were

ever present

and captivating

I never got tired of seeing

their shape outlining the horizon

I fell in love with

the desert

and being a water and mountain girl

it kind of took me

by surprise

Jude found immense freedom

in the desert

we made new friends

planted a peace garden

and played with some old friends

when I asked Jude what his favorite

part of being on the walk was

he replied without hestiation

"being with our friends"

peace

{this moment}

another moment from our time with the 13 Moon Walk 4 Peace 

dusk at santa monica beach

{this moment}

one image

no a few words

a moment to savor

inspired by Amanda Soule and many others

my boy the mystic

 see this boy of mine

see his beautiful smile

one thing I almost never notice anymore

is his left eye

it doesn't fully open

a friend told me once

that it means that he is a mystic

he looks at the world differently

than the rest of us

the other day he said to me,

 "my heart is saying

he wants my prayer

 to be long into the night."

a few days later he said,

"I hear your heart

dreaming about being

a shooting star"...
not only does he see differently
than the rest of us
he hears differently too

 my friend asked him why

he came here

and his reply,

"to be a silly goose"

at the age of almost 5

he is a master

of many things

:::

we are leaving this week to rejoin the 13 moon walk 4 peace in texas

not sure how much I'll be popping in here

but you can check out the 13 moon walk 4 peace site

to see photos and check our progress

and you may have noticed I now have a portfolio at redbubble

where I'll be selling cards and prints of my photos

love, blessings, and peace~ elizabeth

{this moment}

another moment from our time with the 13 Moon Walk 4 Peace 

along the Suwanee River north of Tampa

{this moment}

one image

no a few words

a moment to savor

inspired by Amanda Soule and many others

{this moment}

as youngest members of our sacred circle,

 tixo and jude were responsible for pouring the water

 back into the bay after our healing water ceremony

{this moment}

one image

no a few words

a moment to savor

inspired by Amanda Soule and many others

{this moment}

This moment came from our walk from Macon to Valdosta, GA as part of the 13 Moon Walk 4 Peace. It is taking us a while to catch up with our moments;)

:::

{this moment}

one image

no a few words

a moment to savor

inspired by Amanda Soule and many others

where I've been...

having the ride of my life...hmmm....am I the fearless lone rider in the front?  the brave one with arms raised triumphantly?  or the mama gripping the safety bar with all her might? 

(and I'll add that this is metaphorically what is happening on a daily basis in my life these days)

:::

I'll be travelling again this week, but check out this week's threading light post on the currents of light.

:::

and be a part of earthmama's ...

where i've been...the fairy garden

This weekend I visited a very special place, only when I got there it was gone...

I asked the few shy fairies that stayed behind why on earth would someone move a fairy garden?

They told me that the world is changing now and that it would be really helpful if I could be flexible and go with the flow...

They pointed me in the direction of the new and improved fairy garden complete with fresh fairy dust.

And as I stepped out of the woods and onto the busy path full of people the first audible words I heard uttered by a human were "being flexible".

Later, Jude and I found the new fairy garden and stopped in for a bit of fairy tea.

These fairies were quite vivacious, and we were delighted by their joy and laughter.

We admired their wings and they reminded us how important it is to stay in the moment because that is where the magic really happens.

We are still savoring the tea and we saved a bit for you...please, do join us!

:::

Travel and exciting new projects are keeping me away from this space. 

I will continue to pop in and hope you will keep joining me when I do. 

love, blessings, and gratitude~

elizabeth